Wonder.....

I do believe that people live up to, or down to, what is expected of them, or (as has recently occured to me) what they believe is expected of them.


Communication is so crappy between humans, even those who communicate well go off the rails some times, and it is actually a miracle to me that information is shared as well as it is.


Of course, to me it goes back to that expectations thing. We are so much our socialization, our enculturalization, that even when presented with a radically different format, we can't recognise it as different - our expectations are too set.


Likely you have have heard, in late night paper finishing, article writing, report preparation, the phrase "we see what we expect to see" referring to someone often being unable to edit their own work because they know what it is supposed to say. (Not unlike the occasional typo or the like in this blog).


That is how I have come to see relationships between humans. Not just those ones referred to as "primary", but at some level or another, all of them.


We know that if you take a room full of kids and divide them into groups, then tell them one group is "smart", one is "average" and one is "slow", they will perform to order. Even when particularly assigned to the wrong group.


I have come to understand that people raised in families, whatever label put on the upbringing, expect that everyone else came from similar situations. So, simplistically, if you were raised in a stable, supportive, encouraging household, you expect that everyone else has had that same experience, at least until you are educated otherwise. Conversely, if you are raised in an unstable, abusive, non-supportive or similar household, you expect that situation for everyone else. And, even if educated otherwise, your early training has established habits which persist in your behaviors towards others.


So, that's a long way to get to expectations, but as I see it, if you are raised with expectations of success, you expect success, and if you aren't, you don't. It seems to be a difficult thing to change. I work with that principle with employees, and have seen people so caught in their history that compliments are seen as criticism, and affirmations of ability are seen as a setup. I have also seen the other side, people who are so accustomed to always being praised or complimented, but if they are corrected or criticised at all, it is taken as a devastating slam.